Now I have always known I was a Pattern person. I tell my children, on a regular basis....routinely..that the sooner they figure out the pattern of whatever they are dealing with..the better they can manage the situation.
I did not realize, however, that my routines had become so important to me. Back home, Brian and I had out routine. We got up between 5:30 and 6:00, went to our favorite chairs, read our Bibles, had our quiet time, and walked our dogs. As we walk, friends and neighbors drive by and wave.That was only one of many of our routines, I had become quiet set in them, too set apparently.
When I was growing up, my dad whom I adored, tried, mostly in vain, to teach his three daughters to waltz. He would often dance us across our kitchen floor. When we were really little we got to stand on his feet, as we got older we had to stand on our own. For the most part it was great fun.
On occasion, we would attend a business dinner or function with he and my mom and there would be dancing. Any time we felt brave enough, my dad would waltz us out on the floor. After the first few, very awkward steps, we would get into the routine and begin to feel comfortable.
Sometimes we would get too comfortable and begin to take lead instead of follow. When that occurred, my dad would simply smile and then spin us. As soon as we went into that spin, we no longer felt we had control, would become disoriented and had no choice but to follow my dad's lead once more. The funny thing is we never realized when we had attempted to take over the lead, nor did we ever expect the spin when it took place. My dad did.
When I was younger, my natural reaction was to fight the spin. I would stiffen up and try to resist the direction I was being headed, which would usually result in a disaster. I would often step on my dress as well as my dads toes and feel even more disoriented.
As I got older, I realized that I could trust my dad. That if I just allowed him to guide me through the spin, I still would feel totally out of control but that I would come out of the other side of the spin, usually headed in a new direction, but still standing, maybe even with a little dignity in tact. I began to understand more about the spin and not to fear it. If I trusted my father and followed his lead, while it still might feel awkward to me, to those watching, it actually might be quiet beautiful, and I would come out of it, trusting my father even more than when the spin began.
Dear Heavenly Father, to me, this is a spin that is only equaled by when I lost my Dad. I do trust You, I do. Please help me to lean into the spin and not resist. Please allow this to become a part of the waltz that we can look back on see beauty from the ashes. I do trust you Lord, I do.
Thanks Daddy for teaching me many things, even when I was stepping on your toes.